Happiness is...what, exactly?

And just when I'm feeling all cocky, like maybe things are turning around and going in the direction I'd like them to for once, life comes along and gives me a nice little smackdown.

If you asked me, I wouldn't say that I'm a sucker for punishment. I don't think I'm needy or have self esteem issues. Maybe it's some kind of genetic defect that ensures that I will fall hard for the wrong men, and then stick it out and hope that I'm wrong long past the point that a smart person would have run screaming for the lifeboats.

Stupid is as stupid does, and man, I feel stupid this week. I got a multiple whammy, and I don't even want to talk about some of it - THAT's how stupid I feel. Not fun. Just lying here, contemplating the ceiling and doing a little re-evaluating of everything while I'm metaphorically flat on my ass.

So just a little taste of what I'm dealing with - just one small thing. There are several others, but like I said, I'm not going there at the moment. Maybe later.

We've had this little tax issue with my husband's company for the last 3 years (yes, 3), in which the govt claims that they haven't paid them any withholding, and they claim they have, and we go around in circles, and my husband says he'll take care of it, and I believe him. Until today, when I got a notice from my company that my wages have been garnished to pay for his tax bill. MINE. Not his. I'm the wordsmith, so what's the right phrase for this situation? Oh, that's right -- FUCK that noise.

Why have I put up with this, you might ask (along with the other stuff)? And the answer is....I don't know. Seriously. I don't know. I know that if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have had my ass kicked down the street by now. But noooo, I always have to be the nice one. Well, I'm not feeling nice.

It's a good thing I'm running the half marathon this weekend. I'm really, really not feeling particularly fond of men at the moment. Nope, not feeling the love.

Curiouser and curiouser...

The last couple of weeks have been a lesson in focus, serendipity and putting things out to the universe.

I spent five days in Canyon Ranch with a group of really motivated, intelligent, interesting women. We worked out, hiked, talked, were scrubbed and massaged, sat by the pool, cooked, ate, and generally detoxed and relaxed. While we were there, we all went out on the night of the full moon to walk the labrynth. We also had a charm to leave there, signifying something to accomplish and something to leave behind this year. Mine was a silver heart - signifying that I'd like to figure out where to go with my personal life, and to leave the anxiety about my professional life behind.

Eventually, we had to leave paradise for the real world, which is always an adjustment. But this week has been very interesting...

Because of a conversation with one of my customers about change management, I was introduced to a woman who has created a "mental fitness" training program. Because of my lunch with her, I was introduced to the COO of a Scottish total lifestyle training company who likes my background. Because of a conversation about eLearning with an exec in my company, I'm now on a rotational action team with national exposure. Because of a random conversation about the difference one year can make, and the effect of playing the "what if?" game, I was introduced to a publisher from Penguin who wants my book outline.

I may not have figured out what the heck to do about my personal life yet, but at least I can say that things are happening on the career front -- and for the first time in a long time I'm really optimistic. And a little nervous, since I suddenly need to get serious about putting my money where my mouth (or my writing) is.

Carpe diem.