How guilty do I have to feel about taking a vacation that probably ought to be a romantic trip...except it's with one of my friends instead of my husband?
I think if we were doing well I wouldn't be so conflicted about this. Well, maybe I would because that's just what I do. But I have been on the website all evening, just...lusting...(there's no other word for it)...after the resort and the beach and the potential experience. Oh, BodyHoliday, I must have you!
A long-standing friend of mine with who got me addicted to Canyon Ranch is now trying to corrupt me...I mean persuade me to go with her earlier this summer to Body Holiday in St. Lucia. This place is unbelievable -- it's gorgeous, you can work out, go to the beach, get a massage, drink high-end liquor, and generally be as healthy/active or as indulgent/slug-like as you want in a totally hedonistic environment. No kids.
Can I repeat that - no kids.
I want to go. But I'm having trouble justifying this. Maybe because I'm going to Canyon Ranch in August, and the idea of two spa vacations in one year is just the tiniest bit hyper-indulgent, even for me. Maybe because I'm feeling like I'm selfish for wanting this trip for myself alone -- even though my husband is going to his reunions, to Cabo, and to Denver on his own "guy trips." Maybe because I knowthat it's not a good sign that I'm more interested in going on this trip with my friend than I would be in going with my husband. But my therapist thinks I should go (I love him) -why can't I just get on board with this?
Please, please, please let me get what I want. (Or have I forgotten the lyric? I can't be that old.) Maybe...stay tuned.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Guilty Pleasures, Part 2
What is it with women and porn?
I know it will come as a complete shock to all 2 of my regular readers, but I like sex. I like reading about it, I like watching it on the big or little screen, and I like it in real life. It has been a real learning experience for me over the years that this is not the norm for most women. What's up with that? It's not like I was raised in a cat house. I mean, I know I have an overactive imagination, but I'm really pretty normal otherwise.
Why is it that women have such a hard time with porn? I understand the serious ick factor of child pornography or snuff movies, but what exactly is the issue with consenting adult relations? We're nearly 300 years past Plymouth Rock, so do we HAVE to be such effing puritans? Why can't we all just take our clothes off and get along?
Trust me, people who spend most of their time having or watching someone get some probably aren't the ones out screwing up the rest of the world. I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
I know it will come as a complete shock to all 2 of my regular readers, but I like sex. I like reading about it, I like watching it on the big or little screen, and I like it in real life. It has been a real learning experience for me over the years that this is not the norm for most women. What's up with that? It's not like I was raised in a cat house. I mean, I know I have an overactive imagination, but I'm really pretty normal otherwise.
Why is it that women have such a hard time with porn? I understand the serious ick factor of child pornography or snuff movies, but what exactly is the issue with consenting adult relations? We're nearly 300 years past Plymouth Rock, so do we HAVE to be such effing puritans? Why can't we all just take our clothes off and get along?
Trust me, people who spend most of their time having or watching someone get some probably aren't the ones out screwing up the rest of the world. I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Guilty Pleasures
I decided today that I run so I can drink red wine and eat Ben & Jerry's without guilt.
And so that I don't kill anyone, like my husband. And so that I can maintain the ass of a 26 year old (which kinda goes along with the red wine/ice cream thing). Plus I'm incredibly productive after a run, which is a total bonus. Plus, now that I have the iPod (which I also have not killed yet) I get to listen to anything I want at ear-splitting decibals. Single people have no idea what I'm talking about, but moms everywhere are nodding their heads. Which reminds me that there is no David Byrne on my baby yet, which is a total sin of omission. I'll have to get on that (twss).
My musical world has now been categorized into straight running songs, hill songs, and cool-down songs. For example, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah would be a good hill song. The Uninvited's Is That Me is a flat-out sprint. REM's The River is a cool-down masterpiece. I'm sure that somewhere there are good sex songs, but I've forgotten what those are.
I'm really excited today because I ran 4 miles, finished a really big presentation for next week, and have been working on a short story that started out as a scene in my novel. I really like how it's going - I really just need about 4-6 more hours in the day. It's a good thing it's not the 80s anymore or I'd probably be getting into coke right about now.
Instead, I'm going to have some Tomaresco and B&J. ..don't mind me.
And so that I don't kill anyone, like my husband. And so that I can maintain the ass of a 26 year old (which kinda goes along with the red wine/ice cream thing). Plus I'm incredibly productive after a run, which is a total bonus. Plus, now that I have the iPod (which I also have not killed yet) I get to listen to anything I want at ear-splitting decibals. Single people have no idea what I'm talking about, but moms everywhere are nodding their heads. Which reminds me that there is no David Byrne on my baby yet, which is a total sin of omission. I'll have to get on that (twss).
My musical world has now been categorized into straight running songs, hill songs, and cool-down songs. For example, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah would be a good hill song. The Uninvited's Is That Me is a flat-out sprint. REM's The River is a cool-down masterpiece. I'm sure that somewhere there are good sex songs, but I've forgotten what those are.
I'm really excited today because I ran 4 miles, finished a really big presentation for next week, and have been working on a short story that started out as a scene in my novel. I really like how it's going - I really just need about 4-6 more hours in the day. It's a good thing it's not the 80s anymore or I'd probably be getting into coke right about now.
Instead, I'm going to have some Tomaresco and B&J. ..don't mind me.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I need a vacation
Ok, it's what? February? March already?
I need a vacation. I sent my husband and children off to church this morning by themselves because I just could not stand 5 more minutes with anyone else from the human race. Is this wrong?
There are days I wonder if I should have had a family -- and I say this as someone who is madly in love with her children. Granted, I had this worry long before I had kids, but it comes back every once in a while. I am fundamentally a solitary person -- I like my books, I like my thoughts, I like my wine; I do like other people, and I'm definitely getting more "E" as I get older, but...there are days I MISS my peace and quiet. And the ability to do whatever I want when I want to do it. Is it wrong to fantasize about divorce because it means my husband will HAVE to take the kids 50% of the time?
So...I should want to go on vacation with my husband, right? So how come lately I'm consumed with the desire to go off all by myself -- to the desert, skiing, on a cruise to Europe, WHATEVER? It can't be good. I had drinks with a good friend of mine yesterday with whom I go to Canyon Ranch every year, and she wanted me to go to some spa in the Caribbean. So I told her I'd love to (and I would), but frankly I'd have to get divorced to even consider it. Which is sad. But is it more sad that I'm sad about this? (Now I'm confusing even myself.)
I think maybe I'm on overload at the moment. Too many projects, too many committments, too much on one little plate. Lots of fodder for my therapist. And if one more stay-at-home mom friend of mine says "I don't know how you do it," I'll have to stick my head in the oven...
I need a vacation. I sent my husband and children off to church this morning by themselves because I just could not stand 5 more minutes with anyone else from the human race. Is this wrong?
There are days I wonder if I should have had a family -- and I say this as someone who is madly in love with her children. Granted, I had this worry long before I had kids, but it comes back every once in a while. I am fundamentally a solitary person -- I like my books, I like my thoughts, I like my wine; I do like other people, and I'm definitely getting more "E" as I get older, but...there are days I MISS my peace and quiet. And the ability to do whatever I want when I want to do it. Is it wrong to fantasize about divorce because it means my husband will HAVE to take the kids 50% of the time?
So...I should want to go on vacation with my husband, right? So how come lately I'm consumed with the desire to go off all by myself -- to the desert, skiing, on a cruise to Europe, WHATEVER? It can't be good. I had drinks with a good friend of mine yesterday with whom I go to Canyon Ranch every year, and she wanted me to go to some spa in the Caribbean. So I told her I'd love to (and I would), but frankly I'd have to get divorced to even consider it. Which is sad. But is it more sad that I'm sad about this? (Now I'm confusing even myself.)
I think maybe I'm on overload at the moment. Too many projects, too many committments, too much on one little plate. Lots of fodder for my therapist. And if one more stay-at-home mom friend of mine says "I don't know how you do it," I'll have to stick my head in the oven...
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