Passion Play

So, what does a bored housewife...no, wait...professional woman do when her husband has apparently lost interest (I mean besides talk ad nauseum about said fact in her blog)? That's right, children - she goes to a Passion Party with two completely insane enabling friends to pick up some tips, tricks, and toys, of course.

I'm sorry, it took me quite a while to get back on track after teasing about my fuckerware party experience. Apparently it took a while to recover. Or something.

So, Miss C and Miss H and Miss T all arrived at the random F-Party, to find an assortment of women between the ages of 27 and roughly 50. Along with a lovely sales representative who was busy setting out her wares (bottles, jars, implements, and some very interesting battery operated items) on a table in the tasteful living room. Tupperware, begone!

I'm sure you'll be shocked to learn there was alcohol on the premises. We had some. Several glasses, a bottle, does it really matter how much? It made it easier to relax and take it all in. (That's what she said...)

The first thing we were invited to do was to take a little quiz. Our sales rep, Miss Thai (or Ty, or Tai, I'm not sure) asked a series of questions, and we gave ourselves points based on our answers. Basic little questions about what we'd done, with whom, and of course where, in the last decade. (i.e., Have you done it in an elevator? Have you done it at the neighbor's house? With the neighbor? Add 10 points! With more than one neighbor? Add 20 points! On film? Add 50 points!)

Being one of the more mature women attending (emotionally, that is), I thought I was probably doing pretty well in the experience department. Until we started adding up our scores, that is.
Apparently, not nearly enough of what I had done over the last decade had been captured on film or distributed in a foreign country. I was, in fact, the virgin of the group. I had the lowest score -- which in turn scored me a lipstick in the shape of a penis. It's in my purse now, in fact. I live in fear of taking it out accidentally after a business lunch to touch up my lips.

We moved on to try some of the lotions, gels, and other special lubricants. My favorite was a pheromone stick -- kind of like a perfume roll-on. We all tried it, and then smelled each other (sounds a lot kinkier than it actually was, but feel free to go with your fantasy). We all smelled different - I smelled a lot like my favorite perfume, which explains a lot. I bought one.

I was truly amazed at the number of guests who leaped up to introduce a more...stimulating...gel to Vageena Davis. What was highly amusing to me was how many of them were currently single. Not that it's any of my business...but, this stuff being for immediate stimulation and excitement and all...exactly how much delayed gratification are you into? Let's just say that in my world, if I'm trying it out, I'll be trying it OUT. Not sitting for the next two hours in a room full of women trying to keep from squirming on the couch...just sayin!

As an added bonus to the evening, we also got little tiny penis erasers to go on the end of our pens. We were supposed to use these to "dip and lick" -- anything that required tasting. I have to admit the sight of 10-12 grown women licking tiny little penises throughout the evening made me decide I had to host a party myself for sheer entertainment value.

I wonder if anyone ever hosts co-ed parties? What do the men get to use to "dip and lick"? The speculation alone is worth the trip.

The other reason I must host a party is that I had to leave before we got to the battery operated toys. I assume that maybe the delayed gratification of the prior lubricants may have been addressed here -- perhaps the women concerned were motivated to do some product demonstrations? I can't answer -- but I do know my relatively conservative though insane friends were motivated to make some extremely interesting purchases. I've even heard some product endorsements since...

I'm waiting to hear from Thai -- my calendar is out!