Faith

This is a very unusual topic for me and I'm probably going to do a really crappy job with it.

I don't have what would probably be considered your typical Christian belief system. I'm not athiest, or agnostic, or even a druid (though I used to tease my ex about that). I do happen to believe in the teachings of Jesus, but there are some fundamental tenets of Christian theology that I have a real problem with. However, I'm not going to get into that tonight.

I spent a good bit of time thinking along these lines today because:

• I went to church on Sunday and paid attention;
• I have a good friend who is in a world of hurt, and I'm feeling ridiculously impotent about being enough help or comfort or any good at all;
• I work in an industry that teaches people who have been laid off how to be more strategic with their job search, and right at the moment we seem to be struggling with armageddon (or it just feels that way to the people involved); and
• I've been reading There If You Need Me, in which I am learning that Kate Braestrup and I have very similar theories about the way life and faith and love are supposed to work.

So what do I believe? I don't believe that life is difficult here because it isn't heaven. (And I don't believe that only those who accept Christ are allowed to go to heaven -- this gets me in trouble every time.) I do believe that life is like a giant university. It's not supposed to be easy or simple -- we ourselves are not easy or simple creatures. Life is going to present you with a series of obstacles or challenges or crises at every stage. That's just the way the world works. Our job is not so much to overcome all of them as it is to figure out why they are there and what our role is. Are we there to learn, or are we there to teach? To take something away or give something to?

Too simplistic? Here's another one: I believe that the fundamental reason we are all here, our reason for being, has to do with love. (Oh boy, here she goes...)

There is a passage in the book that really resonated with me when I read it - where she's writing to her brother about the nature of dealing with crisis and death and what is really important:

"It doesn't matter how educated, moneyed, or smart you are: when your child's footprints end at the river's edge, when the one you love has gone into the wood with a bleak outlook and a loaded gun, when the chaplain is walking toward you with bad news in her mouth...your life, too, will swing suddenly and cruelly in a new direction with breathtaking speed, and if you are truly wise...you will know enough to look around for love. It will be there, standing right on the hinge, holding out its arms to you. If you are wise, whoever you are, you will let go, fall against that love, and be held."

One of the issues I have with traditional Christian churches is that they seem to be more about judgement and rules than about love. The ten commandments versus the new testament. At the risk of sounding like a hippie, it's not about the rules. Dude. It's about whether we can open our hearts enough to get over our innate fear -- enough to recognize our role in a situation, understand what kind of love is necessary to help the people around us when they need it -- and offer it -- and have the ability to accept it when it is offered to us.

I believe we are here to learn, and to teach, and to help, and to love. What else is there?